Issue 13
Volume 4 Number 1
March 1999

In This Issue

 • Contents
 • Cover Illustration
 • Editorial
 • The Addams Family
 • What Millennium?
 • Womble to Your Partners
 • No! Not the Furby!
 • Pagan Trout
 • Literary Corner
 • Lokta Plokta
 • Olde Plokta's Almanac

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The Plokta SF convention, from 26-29 May 2000.

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Christmas Toy Sensation

THE big new toy for Christmas -- the Fanby. With their huge eyes and ears, everyone loves Fanby, the new toy from Plokta International. Fanbies come in several different models and due to the marvels of modern electronics every Fanby behaves completely differently. Fanbies react to what you and your child do and say. They even react to other Fanbies -- except when they deliberately ignore each other. It's amazing! You could almost believe they were alive!

As soon as you meet one of these lovable toys, it opens its eyes and shows you its namebadge. Fanbies even have their own special language, Fanbish, which is completely incomprehensible to humans. However, Dr Gafia has produced a detailed Fanbish/English dictionary. When two or more fanbies get together, they will chatter away in Fanbish to each other for hours!

Fanbies love to play games! Your Fanby knows lots of games. Buy it a beer and it may play charades with you. Buy it a second beer and it will fall over (NB: American version only).

Fanbies never go to sleep if they think that there's something better going on. Late at night, you can hear packs of wild Fanbies roaming hotel corridors in search of the Norwegian room party.

But best of all, every Fanby has its own unique personality. No two Fanbies are alike. For example, there's Sor-i-sen, the Fanby who insults everyone in a Scottish accent, and uses his Fanby infrared port to seduce any female Fanby who comes within range. Meanwhile, Ted-Wyt appears to be permanently under the influence of catnip, and Dop-Dop, who, unlike other Fanbies, says nothing but "Bollocks!"

Unfortunately, some Fanbies are all too common. In particular, the Far-Bee Fanby turns up all over the place.

BeebleFanby Mak-an-Cler the BeebleFanby. This special edition Fanby has two heads. It comes with its own fishlifter. Sadly, the advertised no-shagging disclaimer didn't appear to be included with our model.

Tool-Fanby The BeebleFanby is often seen in the company of Tool-Fanby. If you pat Tool-Fanby on the back it sucks in its breath sharply.

Dee-Dee Some Fanbies are rare. For example, none of us have ever seen the little red Fro-Vet. And the exclusive Dee-Dee is only available by personal application at pubs toyshops in the Keighley area.

Vee-Jay Vee-Jay is only ever seen wearing a rubber corset.

Then there's Jim-Dee who speaks a strange dialect of Fanbish, poke its tummy, pierce its nipples and hear it say "Goat! Wombat! Bonk! Bonk!" Now you have to work out what it means...

Lastly, there's Greg -- we think someone may have hacked Greg's voice-chip. He seems to swear whenever you twiddle his ears or whenever he sees Far-Bee or Sor-i-Sen. We're sure this wasn't in the original spec. Would suit deaf child.

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Giulia used to keep a small axe in her car to enable her to murder bunny rabbits.

Discworld Model Update


We understand from Dave Hodges, better known as Hodgesaargh, that he'll shortly be the first fan to have his own Clarecraft model. He will be the model for the figure, which is a good demonstration of the advantages of looking like you were drawn by Josh Kirby.

Batteries Included

A reader writes: "While drinking at Sue's favourite Manchester pub, I was struck by the resemblance between Marcus's pets and the vibrator machine in the Gents. Could they, by any chance, be battery-operated?"

Racing Snakes