We've sent you Plokta because:

	You have been insulted in this fanzine
	We're planning to insult you in a future issue
	You have been totally ignored in this fanzine
	You sent us a LoC! Wow! Neat!
	You sent us your fanzine
	Send us your fanzine; George is out of cat litter
	You ignored us when we sent you Issue 1; we're not proud
	We're going to ask you to do something embarassing
	Under hypnosis, we remembered that you owe us money from a previous life
	Your name is Claire Goodall, Bridget Hardcastle or Pam Wells & we're still waiting for that article you promised us
	You named your child Griselda Esmerelda
	We're desperate
	Although you've denied being scandalous, we don't believe you, and if you don't tell us we'll invent some
	Sue's trying to collect the set...
	Andy Hooper thinks you're a hoax
	We think Andy Hooper's a hoax
	Sue thinks you would look good in fishnets and stilettos
	You live in Scunthorpe, Cockermouth or Penistone and are having trouble getting laid wired
	You are the ubercrappenzimmermeister for Farber Day
	We could tell you, but then we'd have to kill you